Cycle 4 Session 18 - Identifying Toxic/Abusive Relationships

Self-Reflection Questions 

WHO has the right to be in a relationship?   

WHAT part of your V.E.S.P.M. do you feel needs to be supported most in any relationship? and after that..? 

WHERE did you learn about relationships? Do you agree with what you learned?

WHY do you think toxic/abusive relationships exist? 

WHEN a toxic/abusive person can't control a situation, how do they usually respond?

HOW do you know when you are in a toxic relationship? 

Some signs of a Physically Abusive Person

• To hurt another person's body physically in any way. "I was just playing."

• To touch a person's body without their willing consent. "This belongs to me, right?"

• To expose or explore a person's body without their consent. "I could look whenever I want to"

• etc....

Some signs of a Mentally Abusive Person

• Staying with someone to mistreat or abuse them (narcissism, destroy dreams/purpose)

• Talking about their trauma to get a needed reaction (emotional manipulation)

• Only willing to trust you, controlling your time, highly dependent on you (Co-dependent)

• Uses direct and indirect criticizing words (lowering your self-esteem)

• Bringing up hurtful or triggering situations (Gaslighting, Peace disrupter) 

• Willing to make fearful threats (place fear)

• Change to a mood for no reason and become overbearing. tired, hungry, angry (mood manipulation)

• Loud, toxic, and abusive language (intimidate, discourage)

• Disliking others (isolate)

• Lack of empathy (unlovable)

• Using finances to control (Haughty, prideful)

• Stalking, etc.....

 If you have displayed any of the above abusive behaviors, please seek help. 

Check your local hospital, clinic, or healthcare facility and get counseling right away.

Don't make someone else's life miserable. Women and Men.

Sunk cost fallacy - when you continue to invest in something, due to past investments, even though it no longer has value or serves you.

Insanity - When you keep doing the same thing excepting a different result.

Self-Reflection Points

• If you need to change who you are just to be comfortable around a person, that means they don't like who you truly are.  In turn, if you hope to change that person, you don’t like who they truly are. This can only produce a toxic relationship.

• When a person is unkind and inconsiderate to everyone else but you, it's just not your turn yet.

• Pay attention to the order of how a person cares for their own V.E.S.P.M. health. They may want you to adjust.  

• "trust your gut." If something no longer feels right, stop and look at the situation a little more closely; it may be time to make a move.

• Sometimes being the "damsel in distress" gives people who have experienced trauma a sense of power and control, thinking that "the savers" are forced to help them. What you are doing is waiting on others to determine your moves and mood. They take away your independence and your ability to accomplish anything.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel" 

- Maya Angelou