C4 Session 30 - Identifying Toxic/Abusive Relationships

Key Questions

WHO is responsible for maintaining the emotional state of a person? 

WHAT usually happens when a toxic/abusive person is unable to deal with conflict?

WHERE do you go emotionally when a negative person enters the room, calls you, or texts you on the phone?

WHY is it important to be assertive when introducing your boundaries in a relationship?

WHEN a toxic/abusive person is asked to respect your or others' boundaries how do they usually respond?

HOW does a toxic/abusive person act when they can't control you or a situation?

Trauma Bonds – When a person forms a deep emotional attachment to someone that causes them harm. To willingly stay in a relationship with someone that treats you badly, or abuses you in some way.   

An Abusive Personality

• Always talking about their trauma (they are always the victim)

• Only willing to trust you (control your time, highly dependent on you)

• Uses direct and indirectly criticizing words (lower your self-esteem)

• Manipulation and gaslighting to control your moods (savior-come to your rescue)

• Will to get violent or make threats (put fear into you)

• Change to a bad mood for no reason (don't like to see you happy if they don't get the praise)

• Toxic and Abusive Languages (depower you)

• Isolate you by disliking who you like (intimitade you)

• Lack of empathy (to make you feel unloveable)

Unhealthy Love Languages

Words – Words that make you feel bad about what you do or about yourself.

Touch – Unwanted touch or harmful touch. Embracing you in front of others.

Time – Selfish time, no time doing things that you enjoy, never seen in public, around family or friends.

Giving – Only given items that make them look good. Never give or share things you like or matter to you.

Acts of Service – Never willing to do or sacrifice for you. Not supporting you with your dreams or goals.

Self-Reflection Points

• If you need to change who you are just to be comfortable around a person that means they don't like who you truly are.  In turn, if you are hoping that you can change that person then you don’t like who they truly are. This can only produce a toxic relationship.

• If someone tries to manipulate you by holding you responsible for their emotions, this is unhealthy and you need to beware of that type of person.

• You should not compromise your Values, Ethics, Spirituality, Physical, or Mental Plan to be with a person. People who love you care about how you feel and respect who you are, and would never ask you to compromise your beliefs to make them happy. 

• If a person is co-dependent and thinks "you will do anything for them". That is a clear indication of manipulation and you may need to clarify your boundaries with that person. Or just RUN!

• If a person is always leaning toward a negative conversation their negative actions will soon follow. Or even worse, it will rub off on you.

• If you find yourself hiding or defending a person's inappropriate behaviors from your loved ones you may need to exit that relationship. 

• When a person is unkind and inconsiderate to everyone else but you, it's just not your turn yet.

• A secure person with good intentions will not be sneaky and not keep secrets from you or do anything that will hurt you emotionally.

• If a person tries to directly or indirectly scare or intimidate you, this will more likely lead to negative behaviors that can become dangerous.

• If you have displayed any of the above behaviors, please seek help. Check your local hospital, clinic, or a Health care facility and get counseling right away. Don't make someone else life miserable.

Q - What is the best way to find and maintain a healthy relationship?

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