C7 Session 52 - Am I Assertive or Aggressive?

Assertive – You are confident and self-assured when expressing your needs without disrespecting or undermining others. 

• When confronting an assertive person, they tell the facts and want the facts. You will usually get what you dish out. Assertive people can give a mixed message, they sometimes seem very focused on the task but enjoy small talk. However, they are more than willing to cut out some time to let you know if you are making them uncomfortable. That means checking your feelings at the door.

Aggressive – You are ready or likely to respond or confront with an intimidating or condescending undertone when your needs are not met. Not showing much concern for others' feelings.

• When confronting an aggressive person it's best to use a humble approach. They like to feel dominant. They are great at using words and body language to try and intimidate others. Don’t come off as competitive, it will be a never-ending battle. The best way to resolve conflict is to be very direct and cut the small talk. 

Key Questions

WHO would you rather be an assertive person or an aggressive person?

WHAT should you do if you are afraid of offending someone? 

WHERE should you focus your attention when dealing with an aggressive person? an assertive person?

WHY can a simple conversation get heated when you have both personalities in the room?

WHEN dealing with an unreasonable person how do you back down?

HOW have you removed yourself from uncomfortable situations in the past? What about now?

Self-Reflection Points

• Aggressive people are still just people like everyone else. They have to listen to authority and follow rules too. They are afraid of things, they just express it differently. Everybody is afraid of something.

• Don’t assume someone is aggressive by the way they look or talk sometimes you just need to get to know the person. Take time to observe them. We can’t control our uniqueness it’s what makes us human.

• If you are very sensitive and don't like being addressed directly an assertive person can come off as being aggressive. They mostly use open communication but in a way that is respectful and not condescending.

• Always have an objective and be clear about what you want. Take time to think. This will help you to be assertive. A smart answer is better than a quick answer.

• Knowing when to back off or retreat shows wisdom on your part. If someone refuses to respect your opinion you must understand that you can't control others' behaviors, but you can control yours.

• If you find yourself in a position where you don't feel safe speaking up for yourself, get help from a professional or a trusted friend.  Move with discernment. Is what you have to say worth the consequences? 

 Q – Which personality do you find it easier to deal with?

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